So I have decided my new normal is going to be a constant state of change. With that will mean I will still be bad at blogging. Haha. O well.
Change. I have never been one for change. I know God is changing me. I feel it. When I talk to people about it I want to almost scream. Its like it bubbles up in me and I just can't contain it. He has been doing some pretty awesome stuff. Mostly in our family. Things Chris and I see him changing in us to be better parents and grow Godly little mini humans. Its so cool to see. Maybe at some point I will write in detail, but now there is too much I didn't write about when it was happening to go back at the moment. (I should at some point so I will have it all.) So right now, Penelope is potty training. She really is doing pretty good. Some days its more like eating rocks than a walk in the park, but we will get there. We were at a restaurant for the first time since this change and we went to the potty multiple times and the last time my mom took her and I just laughed and said my life has now changed forever. I think I've said that almost everyday since I found out I was pregnant. Its true, it has. It will continue to. I'm not sad about that.
Did you ever say "I will never...". Yeah, don't do that. I seriously thought I would never, ever, homeschool. I have nothing against it. I think its quite awesome, actually. But, ME? I couldn't do it. I have a college degree yeah, but in cooking. I have never ever felt like it was something I was qualified for. And honestly, how to do you teach a child to read, write, or spell. Seriously, if we do this, Chris is teaching spelling. Not.my.forte. So over the last few months there have been conversations going on around me and ones I have been in about homeschooling. These have not been started by me and there have even been times I have stopped and thought, why am I even in this conversation? God knew. He was working, planting information in my head I didn't even realize I needed. See, that's one of those things I am in awe of God over. He made me think through some things before I ever knew I needed to so when the time came I had answers. Ones I would have had to pause to contemplate and figure out and that wouldn't have gone with the moment. He knows what he is doing. So all these conversations have been going on and one night I'm talking to my mom and out of my mouth comes, I think I might need to consider homeschooling. I didn't even think before I spoke. It was like God had to force me to stay it before I thought about it and laughed at myself. I told my mom that there was so much going on around me about it and not the normal, I have a few friends that do, but in depth conversations I have been a part of that blew me away. There were also a few other things about how kids learn and grow and what they need that have been brought up and my first thought was, well if I had her do this.... Change. He is changing my heart. I didn't know at the time (and still don't fully, to be quite honest) if this is something that I'm truly suppose to do, or if it is something that God just wants me to be open to. That he wants me to lay down my own thoughts and be willing to do it his ways simply because he says to. It terrifies me to think I could ruin my kids. I would be responsible for their education. I wouldn't be able to take two steps without some serious guidance from God. There are lots of fears that go along with this whole thought. There are also intense moments of excitement. Like I told Chris a couple of weeks ago, sometimes those swing from one extreme to the other in a matter of two hours. But tonight I was looking through some things and I am so excited. There is a joy and anticipation for what is to come. This may only be a through pre-k or through x grade event, but I really feel like God has some school plans for this family. Fear is still there, but its not as bad. Either I'm on a new idea high or God is doing some incredible things. I'm going with the second half of that thought. Incredible things. So, deep breath, we found something we are going to try with our little Penelope. Heaven knows Beckett will be right in the middle too. (Probably literally). It will be a fun grand adventure. Wish us luck! (seriously, pray for us).
